Wednesday, April 21, 2010


           We’ve all heard it before. Things like, “It’s not you, it’s me,” “I just don’t feel like we’re a good match,” “I just don’t think I can be what you need me to be,” and of course the best one of all, “I just can’t help you, or give you what you need.” Sound familiar to you? I thought so. Now let me ask you this. Ever heard those words from your SHRINK? Those were the words I heard as I sat across from my shrink a month ago with my mouth gaping open.
             I first started seeing “Oprah,”  as I liked to call her, last year just after my grandmother died. I knew I was going to need help coping after experiencing such a huge loss in my life, so I got the referral from my family doctor. Obviously, I am not someone who is afraid to admit it when I need help and with so much available today, I think there’s something wrong with people that sit around and let their issues fester. After one session with “Oprah” I thought she was “The One.” She really helped me through some difficult times. She had compassion when I talked about my grandmother, tears in her eyes when I described the vicious dog attack, and we laughed out loud together when I told her how the "LifeSucker" called me on set at work one morning (he of course doesn’t work) and screamed at me that I must be bipolar and psycho because I go to a therapist.
            So where did it all go wrong? Well, I was very nervous to tell “Oprah” that my dad died. I felt like every time I went to see her, some sort of disaster had struck me and I was nervous this one might throw her over the edge. I decided I better call and warn her what I was coming in with, so I left her a message telling her what had happened. Turns out, it was a good thing I had alerted her to my situation as it really shocked her and gave her time to put a few thoughts together for me. However, after one session, I realized our dynamics had drastically changed. Ironically, it happened to be around the same time that I found out that the real Oprah had announced her own show would be coming to an end. Go figure.
            For the next three or four sessions, I would come in and take my seat, say a few words and pray for the old responses I used to get from Oprah. Instead she would just sit and stare at me and nod her head. Now, believe me, I’ve become accustomed to people not knowing what to say to me, but like, isn’t she a trained PROFESSIONAL?  Couldn’t she have just referred back to an old textbook or something? Say a few nice things that would encourage me to get back on track? Finally, the day came where I had to seek other sources to make myself feel better (see my past blogs). I unfortunately made the mistake, when I was starved for conversation, of telling Oprah all the new things I was trying. Apparently you are not supposed to tell your shrink that you’re feeling better through spiritual and natural healing. That seemed to be the open window she was looking for to dump me. She made it seem like I didn’t need HER anymore. I was like really? You think so? I’m only going through the WORST time of my life to date, you think I no longer need to come here? Finally after all the hooing and hawing, I gave up. She clearly did not get A’s in grief counseling, and that’s what I needed. I decided to swallow my pride and march right back to my family doctor in search of another referral…..and boy did she send me to a character that I am convinced stepped right off of a Seinfeld show. Stay tuned for Part 2 of DUMPED, because you deserve to laugh, even if it's at my expense :)

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